Nickel City Power Rankings: Week 13

Week 12 is complete. The Rams are proving they’re the best team in the league. The only thing holding the Titans back from running away as the worst team in the league is the existence of the Raiders. And the Bills refuse to allow us to have nice things. Let’s break down the entire league and rank them in a totally legit and not at all chaotic order!

1.       Los Angeles Rams (9-2) (Last Week: 1) – This is the first week that I don’t have a single doubt that they’re the best team in the league right now. Just stacking impressive win after impressive win.

2.       New England Patriots (10-2) (Last Week: 3) – It pains me to put this team this high. They haven’t suffered enough. And, in many ways, they feel like the 2020 Bills. Maybe arriving a little early but very, very good.

3.       Denver Broncos (9-2) (Last Week: 5) – What is happening? Two AFC teams in the top five that aren’t the Chiefs and the Bills? The Broncos are joining the Patriots in the being here to stay camp.

4.       Seattle Seahawks (8-3) (Last Week: 6) – I can’t watch them without thinking how lucky they are that the Vikings were willing to give up Sam Darnold. They’re kicking themselves.

5.       Philadelphia Eagles (8-3) (Last Week: 2) – Remember when they were up 21-0? That was fun. They haven’t looked right but keep winning. At least until Week 12.

6.       Indianapolis Colts (8-3) (Last Week: 4) – The schedule only gets harder from here. But they hung in there with a perennial juggernaut and went blow for blow. They probably deserve top 5.

7.       Green Bay Packers (7-3-1) (Last Week: 8) – A solid win but it was against the Vikings so how far up can I really move them?

8.       Detroit Lions (7-4) (Last Week: 9) – A solid win but they (barely) beat the Giants so how far up can I really move them?

9.       Buffalo Bills (7-4) (Last Week: 7) – I don’t really know what to do with this team. They don’t look nearly as good as years past, but they still have Josh Allen. So, go Bills, I guess?

10.   Chicago Bears (8-3) (Last Week: 11) – I want to move them higher. I do. But I can’t bring myself to do it just yet. But, outside of fumbling in their own end zone, they look good.  

11.   San Francisco 49ers (8-4) (Last Week: 12) – Imagine being 8-4 and only being the third best team in your division. They’ll make the playoffs. But not much further.

12.   Kansas City Chiefs (6-5) (Last Week: 13) – Honestly, they’re probably better than twelfth in the league. But their record is preventing them from being higher. And they are a 4-2 record the rest of the way from missing the playoffs completely.

13.   Jacksonville Jaguars (7-4) (Last Week: 15) – Two game win streak and ahead of the Chiefs (and the Bills for that matter) in the wildcard standings.

14.   Baltimore Ravens (6-5) (Last Week: 14) – The offense looks broken and struggled to score against the New York Jets. But they’re back atop their division so who knows?

15.   Los Angeles Chargers (7-4) (Last Week: 17) – Can they hold on to a playoff spot? I don’t know. The Chargers are going to do Charger things. Consistently a middling team.

16.   Houston Texans (6-5) (Last Week: 18) – The only thing that’s keeping them in the playoff race is that defense. They’re scary. And I don’t want to play them again.

17.   Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5) (Last Week: 10) – They’ve lost two straight, and Baker got hurt. But they’re still in the lead in their division.

18.   Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5) (Last Week: 16) – It took them the exact amount of time that everyone thought it would to lose the lead in the division.

19.   Dallas Cowboys (5-5-1) (Last Week: 21) – I hate the Cowboys. But what a fun team to watch right now. Absolutely zero defense but that offense is eating.

20.   Carolina Panthers (6-6) (Last Week: 19) – The Bucs lost two straight games and the Panthers still can’t catch them in the division.

21.   Miami Dolphins (4-7) (Last Week: 22) – They didn’t play this week but moved up a place by default.

22.   Atlanta Falcons (4-7) (Last Week: 24) – They won a game with Kirk Cousins. You like that? They still suck though, so we’re only putting them at 22.

23.   Minnesota Vikings (4-7) (Last Week: 20) – If I was a Vikings fan, I would be so upset. Letting a known commodity walk for the like of JJ McCarthy would have me losing my mind. That dude is terrible and proves it week after week.

24.   Arizona Cardinals (3-8) (Last Week: 23) – Are they the least talked about team in the NFL? I don’t ever hear anything about them. And don’t even have anything to say about them.

25.   Cincinnati Bengals (3-8) (Last Week: 25) – Burrow is back! But why? They’re essentially out of the playoffs even if they’re not mathematically eliminated. I’d just shut him down. This has nothing to do with him scaring me for the Bills game next week.

26.   Washington Commanders (3-8) (Last Week: 26) – They were off this week. So they are going to stay in the same spot.

27.   Cleveland Browns (3-8) (Last Week: 30) – They only beat the Raiders so how far up can I move them? I’m already sick of hearing about Shadeur Sanders.

28.   New York Giants (2-10) (Last Week: 27) – Has a 2-10 team ever been must watch television? Or is it just that Jameis Winston is must watch television?

29.   New Orleans Saints (2-9) (Last Week: 28) – They only move down a spot because the Browns decided to win a game.

30.   New York Jets (2-9) (Last Week: 31) – Honestly, They only moved up by default. Because…

31.   Las Vegas Raiders (2-9) (Last Week: 29) – There was a small piece of my brain that considered putting them in last place. They are so bad. So so bad.

32.   Tennessee Titans (1-10) (Last Week: 32) – For the first time in a few weeks, I don’t think they were a given for the last place spot. Not because of anything they did. Only because of the Raiders.