Nickel City Power Rankings: Week 13

Week 12 is complete. The Rams are proving they’re the best team in the league. The only thing holding the Titans back from running away as the worst team in the league is the existence of the Raiders. And the Bills refuse to allow us to have nice things. Let’s break down the entire league and rank them in a totally legit and not at all chaotic order!

1.       Los Angeles Rams (9-2) (Last Week: 1) – This is the first week that I don’t have a single doubt that they’re the best team in the league right now. Just stacking impressive win after impressive win.

2.       New England Patriots (10-2) (Last Week: 3) – It pains me to put this team this high. They haven’t suffered enough. And, in many ways, they feel like the 2020 Bills. Maybe arriving a little early but very, very good.

3.       Denver Broncos (9-2) (Last Week: 5) – What is happening? Two AFC teams in the top five that aren’t the Chiefs and the Bills? The Broncos are joining the Patriots in the being here to stay camp.

4.       Seattle Seahawks (8-3) (Last Week: 6) – I can’t watch them without thinking how lucky they are that the Vikings were willing to give up Sam Darnold. They’re kicking themselves.

5.       Philadelphia Eagles (8-3) (Last Week: 2) – Remember when they were up 21-0? That was fun. They haven’t looked right but keep winning. At least until Week 12.

6.       Indianapolis Colts (8-3) (Last Week: 4) – The schedule only gets harder from here. But they hung in there with a perennial juggernaut and went blow for blow. They probably deserve top 5.

7.       Green Bay Packers (7-3-1) (Last Week: 8) – A solid win but it was against the Vikings so how far up can I really move them?

8.       Detroit Lions (7-4) (Last Week: 9) – A solid win but they (barely) beat the Giants so how far up can I really move them?

9.       Buffalo Bills (7-4) (Last Week: 7) – I don’t really know what to do with this team. They don’t look nearly as good as years past, but they still have Josh Allen. So, go Bills, I guess?

10.   Chicago Bears (8-3) (Last Week: 11) – I want to move them higher. I do. But I can’t bring myself to do it just yet. But, outside of fumbling in their own end zone, they look good.  

11.   San Francisco 49ers (8-4) (Last Week: 12) – Imagine being 8-4 and only being the third best team in your division. They’ll make the playoffs. But not much further.

12.   Kansas City Chiefs (6-5) (Last Week: 13) – Honestly, they’re probably better than twelfth in the league. But their record is preventing them from being higher. And they are a 4-2 record the rest of the way from missing the playoffs completely.

13.   Jacksonville Jaguars (7-4) (Last Week: 15) – Two game win streak and ahead of the Chiefs (and the Bills for that matter) in the wildcard standings.

14.   Baltimore Ravens (6-5) (Last Week: 14) – The offense looks broken and struggled to score against the New York Jets. But they’re back atop their division so who knows?

15.   Los Angeles Chargers (7-4) (Last Week: 17) – Can they hold on to a playoff spot? I don’t know. The Chargers are going to do Charger things. Consistently a middling team.

16.   Houston Texans (6-5) (Last Week: 18) – The only thing that’s keeping them in the playoff race is that defense. They’re scary. And I don’t want to play them again.

17.   Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5) (Last Week: 10) – They’ve lost two straight, and Baker got hurt. But they’re still in the lead in their division.

18.   Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5) (Last Week: 16) – It took them the exact amount of time that everyone thought it would to lose the lead in the division.

19.   Dallas Cowboys (5-5-1) (Last Week: 21) – I hate the Cowboys. But what a fun team to watch right now. Absolutely zero defense but that offense is eating.

20.   Carolina Panthers (6-6) (Last Week: 19) – The Bucs lost two straight games and the Panthers still can’t catch them in the division.

21.   Miami Dolphins (4-7) (Last Week: 22) – They didn’t play this week but moved up a place by default.

22.   Atlanta Falcons (4-7) (Last Week: 24) – They won a game with Kirk Cousins. You like that? They still suck though, so we’re only putting them at 22.

23.   Minnesota Vikings (4-7) (Last Week: 20) – If I was a Vikings fan, I would be so upset. Letting a known commodity walk for the like of JJ McCarthy would have me losing my mind. That dude is terrible and proves it week after week.

24.   Arizona Cardinals (3-8) (Last Week: 23) – Are they the least talked about team in the NFL? I don’t ever hear anything about them. And don’t even have anything to say about them.

25.   Cincinnati Bengals (3-8) (Last Week: 25) – Burrow is back! But why? They’re essentially out of the playoffs even if they’re not mathematically eliminated. I’d just shut him down. This has nothing to do with him scaring me for the Bills game next week.

26.   Washington Commanders (3-8) (Last Week: 26) – They were off this week. So they are going to stay in the same spot.

27.   Cleveland Browns (3-8) (Last Week: 30) – They only beat the Raiders so how far up can I move them? I’m already sick of hearing about Shadeur Sanders.

28.   New York Giants (2-10) (Last Week: 27) – Has a 2-10 team ever been must watch television? Or is it just that Jameis Winston is must watch television?

29.   New Orleans Saints (2-9) (Last Week: 28) – They only move down a spot because the Browns decided to win a game.

30.   New York Jets (2-9) (Last Week: 31) – Honestly, They only moved up by default. Because…

31.   Las Vegas Raiders (2-9) (Last Week: 29) – There was a small piece of my brain that considered putting them in last place. They are so bad. So so bad.

32.   Tennessee Titans (1-10) (Last Week: 32) – For the first time in a few weeks, I don’t think they were a given for the last place spot. Not because of anything they did. Only because of the Raiders.

Nickel City Power Rankings: Week 12

Week 11 is complete. Things have started to stabilize a little bit more. We’re starting to fully understand What these teams are. Then again, there are some basement dwellers that have won a couple straight (Dolphins) and some perennial favorites that are ready to be buried (Chiefs). So what do we really know? Let’s hash it out!

1.  Los Angeles Rams (8-2) (Last Week: 1) – This is the most impressive team in the league, bar none. The fact that they aren’t the unanimous favorite amongst all platforms is flat out wrong.

2.  Philadelphia Eagles (8-2) (Last Week: 2) – At least to me, they’re solidly the number two team in the league. Nothing they do is super impressive. But they keep making games ugly and then winning them.

3.  New England Patriots (9-2) (Last Week: 5) – They deserve the jump. Winners of eight straight. Drake Maye is an MVP candidate. I’m just waiting (or hoping) for the bubble to burst.

4.  Indianapolis Colts (8-2) (Last Week: 3) – They didn’t do anything wrong in their bye week to deserve the drop. The Patriots are just the flavor of the week.

5.   Denver Broncos (9-2) (Last Week: 7) – They’re atop the AFC. I don’t think their way of winning is completely sustainable, but they are a great team. They deserve top five.

6.  Seattle Seahawks (7-3) (Last Week: 4) – Dropping them a little bit. Only because they lost, but it was to the best team in the league. So I can’t really hold that against them.

7.  Buffalo Bills (7-3) (Last Week: 9) – The Bills opened up their offense. They need to keep playing with that kind of reckless abandon. If they do, they should keep moving up this board.

8.  Green Bay Packers (6-3-1) (Last Week: 12) – They won against the Giants in not very convincing fashion. But so many more teams are a lot more underwhelming than them.

9.  Detroit Lions (6-4) (Last Week: 6) – How is this team with this amount of talent 6-4? Turns out the loss of Ben Johnson was bigger than anticipated.

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-4) (Last Week: 8) – This team is extremely injured. And when they get healthy, I could see them as a serious Super Bowl contender.  

11. Chicago Bears (7-3) (Last Week: 13) – It hasn’t been the most impressive 7-3. But 7-3 is 7-3. And I don’t think the league is ready for the Bears to be good again.

12. San Francisco 49ers (7-4) (Last Week: 14) – Kyle Shanahan always has his team in the running, regardless of who the quarterback is. And Brock Purdy is back now.

13  Kansas City Chiefs (5-5) (Last Week: 11) – It brings me so much joy to push them down this far. And I know I’m supposed to root for them against the Colts – I don’t think my body will physically allow me to. I want the Colts to bury them.

14. Baltimore Ravens (5-5) (Last Week: 16) – They’re coming back. The Steelers are in their sights. Just as expected. They would’ve been higher if not for an ugly win against the lowly Browns.

15. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-4) (Last Week: 17) – What an impressive win against the Chargers. They’ll lose a stupid one soon to make up for it though.

16. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-4) (Last Week: 15) – They have to just be staring at their rearview mirror waiting for the Ravens to catch them. Especially now that Rodgers is hurt. Scary times.

17. Los Angeles Chargers (7-4) (Last Week: 10) – Chargers gonna Charger. What a rough loss to the Jaguars. After all, can’t make it too hard on the Chiefs, right?

18. Houston Texans (5-5) (Last Week: 18) – A dogfight win against the Titans. Their defense is the one thing that’s keeping them in games. And it’s good enough to beat anyone in the league. Including the Bills.

19. Carolina Panthers (6-5) (Last Week: 19) – A three point win this week against the Falcons is unfortunately not enough to get me to move them out of this spot.

20. Minnesota Vikings (4-6) (Last Week: 20) – Can anybody else play quarterback? It doesn’t feel like a stretch to think this is a competitive team with literally anybody else.

21. Dallas Cowboys (4-5-1) (Last Week: 21) – Even after a dominant win over the Raiders, it’s not enough to get me to move them. Get a defense and then we’ll talk.

22. Miami Dolphins (4-7) (Last Week: 26) – I know they only beat the Commanders this week, and it was only by three points, but two straight, and at least one of them was impressive.

23. Arizona Cardinals (3-7) (Last Week: 22) – Getting blown out always results in you dropping spots. I just can’t put them below any of the teams that are frequenting this area of the list.

24. Atlanta Falcons (3-7) (Last Week: 23) – Every game that they play is close. They just can’t seem to win any of them. Especially now that Penix is out for the rest of the year.

25. Cincinnati Bengals (3-7) (Last Week: 24) – They need Joe Burrow back so bad. And they’re going to get it. But is there a point? It’s far too late to make any kind of a run.

26. Washington Commanders (3-8) (Last Week: 25) – They lost to the Dolphins. Not that I, a Bills fan, can talk. But still. They lost to the Dolphins - who only scored 16 points.

27. New York Giants (2-9) (Last Week: 27) – Winston is always a fun watch. But 2-9 is 2-9 and seeing them win a game the rest of the way will be a surprise.

28. New Orleans Saints (2-9) (Last Week: 28) – They continue to lose. They’re going to continue to lose. And they need a real life quarterback in the worst way.

29. Las Vegas Raiders (2-8) (Last Week: 30) – They lost to the Cowboys. But they still looked better than the Jets. So they get to move up a spot.

30. Cleveland Browns (2-8) (Last Week: 31) – They lost to the Ravens. But they still looked better than the Jets. So they get to move up a spot.

31. New York Jets (2-8) (Last Week: 29) – They lost to the Patriots. And Justin Fields looked so incompetent that they’re moving to Tyrod Taylor. But they’re not the Titans. So 31 it is.

32. Tennessee Titans (1-9) (Last Week: 32) – They are the Titans.